"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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