Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
