the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
