K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
