around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
