why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
