You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
