booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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