Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
