The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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