nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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