we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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