Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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