I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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