No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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