she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize