I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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