You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize