I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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