I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
