We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
