Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
