I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
