you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just found a bag of teeth...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
