Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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