I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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