Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
