I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
