singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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