i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
