Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
