I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
