i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
