yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
