It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
