it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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