You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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