somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
