i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
