who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
