the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
