the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
