He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
