did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
