she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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