I just threw up on my dentist
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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