for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
