If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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