Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it's like iHOP with fire
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize