He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i will never coherently bang her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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