i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
