Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
