pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
