dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
