Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
