the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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