Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
