Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
