Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
