I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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