its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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