she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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