Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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