Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
