I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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