remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
