I'm so fucking centered right now
...so i touched it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
