The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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