I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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