Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
