He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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