and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
