can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
