You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
