I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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