I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
