listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
