I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
